Paraprosdokian - Can't Pronounce, but it's Funny!
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way
that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in
public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for
anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw
them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay
checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says
"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on
it...so I said "Implants?"
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it
back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever
they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of
lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the
Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others
have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after
it as when you are in it.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in
public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for
anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw
them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay
checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says
"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on
it...so I said "Implants?"
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it
back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever
they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of
lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the
Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others
have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after
it as when you are in it.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
© 2024 Created by Theosophy Network.
Powered by
