Well, first of all I have an admission. Susan and I have been hiding our true purpose from Theosophers for over two years now and it's time to come clean.
Like many other prophets and saints (and a few drifters) we have been hiding the seeds of a new, powerful religion and now it is time to give the divine revelation to all.
It is PLANKTON.
Hail Plankton, drifter of grace, bottom of the food chain and sustainer of all. Like many churches we have much that has to be taken on faith...if you want to expend that much effort, which probably isn't a good idea.
To get a clearer picture of Plankton, let's consult the holy gospel of Wikipedia.
There are no sins, aside from the worship of Nekton deities, or being born in the sign of Pisces. In addition, living the wisdom of Plankton is accomplished by sleeping or otherwise drifting in large pools of water and not getting eaten by whales, shrimp, or anything else that propels itself.
For anyone who may aspire to becoming the Plankton Pope, forget it. That position is taken by our youngest son, Justin, who exemplifies the best qualities found in Plankton and functions in that capacity quite well. However, it may be useful to know that priests and priestesses are rotated in and out on a floating basis.
All scriptural references may be found by going to Stumbleupon and selecting the "Stumble" button.
Worship services are found anywhere you can float. Otherwise pretending that you're floating works just as well.
And with that...
Hahah! good stuff !
what about the HumPBack whale.....
Ha! This certainly gave me a good laugh. I'm all for the sleeping &/or floating in large pools of water, etc. Sounds to me like the perfect way to seek the Deity, enlightment, whatever is your cup of tea.
Hail Plankton!! Omni Plankthi !!!
Part 1; Sutra 1: "Now is the time for the final exposition of Plankthi"
Plankton Cults Astound Religious Leaders!
"Tara Oceans" conducted a world wide scientific sailing expedition. They covered the Mediterranean Sea, Red Sea, the Pacific Ocean and the Antartic region collecting over 27,000 samples of Plankton life.
From the perspective of a religious study, it proved that there are over 1.5 million separate religious sects (different Plankton taxa). This vast number of Plankton sects supersedes all major religions.
Currently, the panic-stricken Eastern and Western religious leaders have created a major fund-drive to support and increase the Whale population and is approaching Greenpeace for consultations... The Grand, Ancient and Illustrious Order of Nektons has been approached to perform large-scale rituals, in all their Temples, to summon previously extinct nektons back from extinction.
(data facts by Science 7/20/2012)
Rumor has it that the LHC has decided to focus it's attention on the Plankton Field Theory particle. Names are being sought....
The religious community has started to refer to it as the Godless Particle.
Excommunicaton has been suggested also.
I can SO relate! :-)
You must be careful when you try to tame the power of the Coffee Gods...
If you have any of these experiences or any of the following takes place you must place the Cup back onto it's alter:
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You short out motion detectors.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You pour coffee on a choking victim because CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You ski uphill.
You walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You're so wired, your ears pick up AM radio.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
Your doctor tells you, your blood type is COFFEE
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You answer the door before people knock.
Your morning cup of Coffee is so strong it wakes up the neighbors!
You think on the eighth day God created coffee.
You look at energy drinks and laugh really really loud!
All your vacations are spent going to "Maxwells House"
I found one needs to use the best artesian water ie. "Water Joe"
The true Java worshiper also needs two Pepper Mills. One filled with No-Doze, the other filled with Xanax. Grinding the caffeine to shoot-up the dose is critical. If you get too jittery .. grinding in some xanax gives one the ultimate balance!!
I have won every "greatest Coffee Drinker" award everywhere I have worked. There were no contenders even remotely in the running. Rather like the Bat-mobile vs a vespa scooter...
I have to have two cups of expresso to get to sleep...
Hail Plankton!!!!! We thank thee for creating the java bean! I even give them the Pratchett sign of excellence... 5 exclamation marks!!!!!
p.s. give your wife a package of chocolate covered expresso beans... This is a deadly combo. Especially when she starts eating them like jelly beans. (or jelly babies), with her coffee.
I have found some traces of history in Plankton... esoteric yes indeed..
Here is a great hymn dedicated to Plankton... If you see the etymology of Plankton it is Greek for Wanderer
and so I post this song as ode to the Wanderer :)
Good one! :-) I think I'll stick with Love Potion Number 9, thank you very much. I kind of like the whole gypsy thing. ;-)
Joe Fulton just informed me that the new Hail Plankton name has been replaced by its Latin equivalent. We have reflected this in a new title for this discussion.
Hail Plankton is “Ave Planktos” (Latin translation)
The religion remains the same and lives on!