Well, first of all I have an admission. Susan and I have been hiding our true purpose from Theosophers for over two years now and it's time to come clean.
Like many other prophets and saints (and a few drifters) we have been hiding the seeds of a new, powerful religion and now it is time to give the divine revelation to all.
It is PLANKTON.
Hail Plankton, drifter of grace, bottom of the food chain and sustainer of all. Like many churches we have much that has to be taken on faith...if you want to expend that much effort, which probably isn't a good idea.
To get a clearer picture of Plankton, let's consult the holy gospel of Wikipedia.
There are no sins, aside from the worship of Nekton deities, or being born in the sign of Pisces. In addition, living the wisdom of Plankton is accomplished by sleeping or otherwise drifting in large pools of water and not getting eaten by whales, shrimp, or anything else that propels itself.
For anyone who may aspire to becoming the Plankton Pope, forget it. That position is taken by our youngest son, Justin, who exemplifies the best qualities found in Plankton and functions in that capacity quite well. However, it may be useful to know that priests and priestesses are rotated in and out on a floating basis.
All scriptural references may be found by going to Stumbleupon and selecting the "Stumble" button.
Worship services are found anywhere you can float. Otherwise pretending that you're floating works just as well.
And with that...
Received from Joe Fulton:
Today is the observance of the Roman festival of Neptune.
Therefore, by the rights (or whims) vested in me by who knows what, I declare today to be Plankton Day.
Please observe faithfully, and break out the fuzzy dice.
Joseph P. Fulton